2 months on

It was just two short months ago that our baby girl died.  Though I cry less, the weeping is deeper and longer.  And though the days are no longer a haze, each day is a concerted effort to face the children and pregnant women at work, in shopping centres and public spaces.

I want to be pregnant again, but I want my body to heal fully.  I want more children, but I am acutely aware that another child will not replace the one that I've lost.

It is painful today, 2 months on...

What Makes A Mother?

My darling friend Claire sent me this great poem.  I love it, and yes I cried when I read it - good tears though.  I hope it blesses other mothers...

What Makes A Mother?

I thought of you, I closed my eyes
and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard him say,

"A Mother has a baby.
This we know is true."
But God can you be a Mother
when your baby's not with you?

"Yes you can!" He replied
with confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice."

"Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.

"I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say.."

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My mummy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here."

"I feel so lucky to have a Mum
who has so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mummy set me free."

"I miss My Mummy oh so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay."

"I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mummy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

"So you see my dear sweet one,
your children are OK.
Your babies are here in my home
and this is where they'll stay."

"They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you."

"So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start."

"Though some on earth may not realise
that you are a Mother until their time is done
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one."

*author unknown*